Compare and Despair
So many of us get caught up in compare and despair.
We look at pictures on Instagram of the online newspapers and we start to compare our bodies, our lives, our wealth, our world to people we see a quick glimpse of.
I often see people in my office who tell me that they ‘compare themselves’ to other people and I always ask them ‘why?’
Some of their replies range from ‘because she is so beautiful’ or ‘he is just so intelligent’ or ‘she is so lucky she has it all’.
But my question to them is this ‘have they lead exactly the same life as you?’ ‘do you KNOW they are that lucky?’ ‘why, are you comparing your inside, with their outside?’
A comparison is only really a consideration or estimate of the dissimilarities between two things or two people. Re-read this sentence. In other words, comparison is based on an estimation, a consideration and hardly ever based on FACT.
You all know how much I love facts.
If you are someone who is comparing yourself to others here are a few tips on how to quit that shit and get on with being the amazing unique you that you were born to be:
- Stop placing yourself as ‘less than’. You are not. You are equal to. There will be some things that you can do and some things that others can do. There will be some things you cannot do that others can. This is called life. If we could all do and look and be exactly the same as each other, what kind of boring world would that be? Step into your uniqueness and own it.
- Be Grateful. Take a long hard look at how amazing you are. Start focusing on the things that are amazing about you and quit looking at the negative lies you are telling yourself. Everyone has something special and something wonderful about them. Find your thing and keep telling yourself about it. Big yourself up and have your own back.
- Get cool with being imperfect. I’m not sure about you but the last thing I want to be is perfect. Why? because I know that perfect does not exist so I am not going to aim for something that isn’t real. Instead, focus on getting cool with your perfect imperfections. We are all perfectly imperfect and trust me, in the years of coaching I have done, the thousands of clients I have seen, I am yet to meet a ‘perfect’ one. So if you think you know someone who is perfect, I would suggest stepping out of your imaginary world and looking at the facts.
- Love what you have. In today’s society we are lead to believe that ‘things’ make us happy. It isn’t true. The thing that makes you happy is you. You choose the right thoughts, you create your happy. Its as simple as getting your mind managed and your thoughts in the right place. So start thinking about what you are thinking about and choose to love what you have. It feels great.
- Social Media Detox. I love social media, it’s a huge part of my business but at the same time I know that all the pictures of people on there having a great time and looking like they have fabulous lives doesn’t mean I choose to think my life is any less. Remember that people will only post pictures on social media of them looking great. Think about the terribly sad life of L’wren Scott. Her pictures were all private jets and couture clothes. Behind it she was terribly unhappy. Don’t believe the hype. People have real lives no matter what they post on Facebook. Everyone is dealing with something.
- Direct your focus to things that matter to you. Spend your time doing the things you love, focussing your attention on you and choosing great thoughts that create great feelings and actions. Direct your focus to the positive and you will be amazed at how amazing your life really is.
- Lastly, if you still feel the need to compare, take a look at where those thoughts stem from. Did you learn somewhere that you were not enough? if so, question the hell out of that thought and teach yourself to turn it around. It isn’t true. We are all given a set of beliefs and we all, as adults, have a choice as to whether we choose to hold onto those beliefs or challenge and change them. My suggestion is any belief you think is keeping you small or holding you back needs to be worked on. Challenge it, look for evidence to prove the opposite is true and then go out into the big wide world with a thought that feels amazing. Because the truth is, YOU ARE.