fbpx

Self Sabotage

The super cool girl gang at Get The Gloss called this week to ask me if I would help their readers identify self sabotage. It’s a very common issue and one that can totally change around once you understand the ‘why’.
If you are a self saboteur then this article is for you!  Here it is below…

Do you ever feel guilty about putting yourself first? You’re not alone. For Self-Care Week, we asked the experts for their top tips for putting a stop to your self-care sabotaging ways

Do you ever feel bad about making time for yourself? You’re not alone, we’re sure this will sound like a familiar story for many. Life can feel like a never-ending to-do list and for lots of people, it can feel counterintuitive to put ourselves on the top of it from time to time.
So why could our self-sabotaging ways be getting in the way of our happiness and our health? According to life coach and GTG Expert Jacqueline Hurst, the reasons are wide-ranging. “Self-sabotage is when we say that we want something but then go about making sure it doesn’t happen – this can either be a conscious or a subconscious process,” she explains. “So many of us feel guilty about implementing self-care into our lives mainly due to how we have been brought up, the society we live in, our culture, belief system, gender etc. – there are a number of factors. We are in a society today that gives us a warped idea of ourselves. We are fed information that means we have to keep pushing harder, working harder, working out harder, dieting harder…it’s no surprise so many people don’t feel good enough. Taking time to look after yourself when you don’t feel good enough isn’t going to happen – that’s why mindset is so important.”
What’s the source of these sorts of self-esteem sapping mindsets? “I think we don’t value ourselves enough and we don’t like ourselves enough. When we love ourselves, the less nonsense we tolerate,” says Jacqueline. “The main reasons for self-sabotage behaviour could be down to a few things like: a) a fear of failure b) an unconscious need to be in control c) feeling like you aren’t good enough or d) a fear of success.”
Feeling like we’re not actually worth putting in the effort to look after is one reason and another may be not wanting to face up to the reality of what could happen as we get older.

Could you be a self-care saboteur?

According to Jacqueline, there are usually patterns of behaviour which can act as indicators. Signs include: “Making plans and never following through, talking about what you want to do but never actually ever ‘getting around to it’ and procrastinating a lot.” Its signs can cause stress in both your professional and personal life too. “Common self-sabotaging behaviours include dating men who are unavailable, taking jobs whose pay doesn’t reflect your experience, not being able to say ‘no’ and negative thinking,” explains Jacqueline.
It can also prove useful to look at your diary over the last month and take a tally of how many evenings or mornings you spent incorporating some much-needed self-care into your routine. “The most common manifestation is not carving out the time either to take an exercise class or to carry out a nourishing skincare regime,” says Lucy. Taking stock of your self-care schedule can often make for an insightful and eye-opening read.
Challenge the hell out of the negativity

How can you put a stop to your self-sabotaging ways?

Essentially, it all comes down to cultivating healthier and happier mindsets, but be aware that this takes time and patience. After all, we’re talking about retraining your mind to break perhaps lifelong habits. “I’ve been working in the field as a life coach for over 13 years now and the best way to overcome any type of self-sabotage behaviour is to first get conscious as to what the behaviour is,” recommends Jacqueline. “In other words, you have to observe yourself to be clear of what exactly your pattern is.” She adds, “You have to look at why you are doing what you are doing and start there. Then a great idea is to look for evidence to disprove the thoughts you have that are creating the pain. For example, if you keep saying ‘I won’t go for that amazing job because I will never get it’, instead of looking at all the lies you tell yourself as to why you wouldn’t be able to, start looking for evidence as to why you would be able to. Challenge the hell out of the negativity.”
Some easy yet effective first steps? “Start to say no more, start to ‘choose’ to love yourself more and put boundaries in place,” says Jacqueline. “If you can even try one of these things, you will start taking better care of yourself.”
It’s the small changes that tend to yield big results comments Lucy Beresford – nothing is more likely to suck the joy out of self-care than viewing it more as chore than leisure. “It’s about setting small, achievable goals every day rather than taking on too big a challenge. 20 minutes of mediation or a 15 minute skincare regime is do-able – having 17 different things to do before bedtime is not!” Surrounding yourself with others who are taking steps to reach a fitness or wellness goal could also help provide extra strength. “Joining a health club or going on a retreat or bootcamp surrounded by healthy people actually encourages one to ameliorate the bad behaviour and realise the benefits,” she explains. “See focussing on self-care as a sign of loving yourself,” she adds. “Show yourself that you value this one body you have and be grateful for it – it’s a great motivator to change behaviour. Meditation, mindfulness, deep breathing and exercise give oneself private time for reflection and to take breath and head space in a very stressful and hectic life.”

The final word?

Ultimately, that it is possible to break a cycle of self-sabotage and how you best combat it depends on how ingrained the belief is. “I think if people truly are stuck in a rut and are unable to change their patterns they should get help. We are in a society today where talking about it is less and less frowned upon. Sometimes we need a little push in the right direction and we are well on our way. Don’t sit in pain. I also think we are here for much bigger things than to be mean to ourselves. We were not born to sit around and beat ourselves up and stay small. Think big and live big – you only get one life.”


Boost Your Self Esteem

As some of you may know I often work with Bodyism discussing body love, balance and how to live a happy healthy life.  It’s great to collaborate with people who are like minded! Recently they asked me if I would share my top tips to help boost self esteem. It was of course my pleasure.
If you find yourself a little low on self esteem this month, then this is the article for you…

5 Ways To Instantly Boost Your Self-Esteem

Life nowadays can seem like a constant juggle. We are bombarded with unreal images daily on social media, TV and magazines and we can all feel a little overwhelmed, as if we haven’t quite reached our full potential.
A little bit of this is normal, however, if you feel constantly held back by a sense of self-doubt, it could be more than just the occasional ‘off day’ we all suffer with from time to time. Preventing you from ever achieving your full potential, low self-esteem can be both a debilitating and miserable. Thankfully, for those who do suffer from self-esteem issues, there are a wealth of tips and tricks you can try to help break the cycle and build your confidence back.
The term self-esteem refers to how we view ourselves. Self-esteem is the overall opinion we have and hold about ourselves and the value we place on ourselves as people. Low self-esteem is all about how we view ourselves internally – what we believe about ourselves – and is based on negativity: for example, ‘I’m unlovable’ or ‘I’m useless’ or ‘I’m worthless’. Of course, most of us have mixed opinions of ourselves, but if your overall opinion is that you are inadequate or inferior, if you feel that you have no true worth and are not entitled to the good things in life – that you are ‘undeserving’ – then this means your self-esteem is low.
Low self-esteem can be due to the beliefs you have about yourself which you think are fact, but in reality are only really thoughts. These beliefs and thoughts are based on the experiences you’ve had in life, and the messages that these experiences have given you about the person that you are.
As low self-esteem is based on thought process rather than fact, it is really important to gather all the thoughts you hold about yourself that are negative and then start to look for evidence to prove that the opposite is true. For example, if you believe that you are not ‘lovable’, instead of finding evidence to prove this thought true, you need to start looking for evidence to prove this is not true. You could ask yourself instead ‘Who does love me?’ – you will be able to say ‘my mum, my dad, my friends, my family, my boyfriend’ etc. It becomes hard to believe a thought when you have evidence to prove the opposite is actually true!
If you are suffering with low self-esteem here are my top 5 tips to overcome it:

  1. Question your thoughts.
    Are you conscious of what you are thinking? Thoughts create feelings, so starting to think carefully about your thoughts is key. Positive thoughts create positive feelings.
  2. Be kind to yourself.
    Tell yourself kind, loving statements that you would say to someone you love. Imagine your best friend next to you talking about you as a person – they would say lovely things like ‘She’s funny, kind, thoughtful’ etc. When you start looking at yourself from a friend’s point of view you will be amazed at how good you really are.
  3. The comparison is the thief of joy.
    You are unique and perfect just as you are! Comparison is a waste of your own time. Instead remember that someone else’s beauty does not mean the absence of your own.
  4. Gratitude is key to feeling better.
    When you feel down, think about all the wonderful things in your life and the things you have achieved – you’ll soon realize you are pretty special! You cannot feel grateful and miserable at the same time..
  5. Perfection does not exist
    Good enough, is really good enough.


 
 


Measure Your Success

As the resident Life Coach at GQ the ‘how to’ series is going down a treat and this week I was asked a really cool question ‘how do you measure success?’. I think a lot of the time we are all so focussed on the material that we forget the moment but that’s just one part of it.  If you want to measure your success, and are struggling with feelings of unworthiness of failure, you must read this now all about ‘how to measure your success’…


How To Be Confident

So this week I met with GQ Magazine who asked me to be their ‘resident life coach’ – I was absoloutely over the moon as this had been always been a dream of mine and I agreed straight away.  I came up with creating a ‘how-to’ series and this week we started off with some tips on how to get more confident. So, if you are struggling with a little confidence or know someone that is, take a read of my article here…
Confidence – that feeling that either makes you or breaks you in any given life situation. It’s one of those things that we think others are lucky to have, like they have something different and special, like they have this super power that those of us with low self-confidence can only dream of.
Confident people can hold their own in a room, are admired by others and their positivity and energy seem to promote and inspire confidence in everyone they meet. They come across as people who are at peace with themselves, who face their fears head on and couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks about them. So how does that work? How is it that they’re confident and what is it they have that you think you don’t? It’s simply a matter of self-belief. But creating the confidence you want is not out of reach and can be learnt in a few simple steps. Here’s how.

Get your head right

How you think is terribly important when it comes to self-confidence. How you think creates how you feel. Confidence is a feeling so if you are thinking thoughts that create feelings of low self-confidence, you have to start changing how you think. Negative thoughts create negative feelings, negative actions and negative results so in order to feel confident you have to think thoughts that create those feelings you do want. Thoughts that feel good, confident and empowering are the ones you want to choose. If you think right your confidence will soar.

Role model

Pick a role model you aspire to, someone you respect and admire and then start modelling yourself on that person. For example, if you think Jeremy Clarkson has the sort of confidence you are looking for and you are in a situation where you want to be that confident, ask yourself “what would Jeremy do?”. Works every time.

Be authentic

Being confident means believing in yourself and believing that you’re good enough. Authenticity is about being you and believing in yourself as you are right now. Being real and not perfect. You being you is your USP, if we were all the same it would be a very boring world. So stop the negative self-talk, stop beating yourself up and start looking at the good. Own your uniqueness, look at the skills you have, look how far you have come, focus on the positive. Make a choice to start believing that you are enough and you will feel your confidence soar.

Stop comparing

Comparison is the thief or joy. The saying “compare and despair” is true. Spending time comparing what’s on your inside to what’s on others’ outside is never a good idea. The truth is that you never really know what’s going on in other people’s lives.
The guy that looks like he has it all might be suffering with anxiety, the guy that looks like he has made it might be in severe debt, the guy that looks like he is happy might be struggling to have kids. You just never know. Start to do it differently – celebrate your own accomplishments, get comfortable in yourself and quit the comparing game. You’re wasting your own time.

Stop caring about what other people think of you

What other people think of you is ultimately something you have no control over. Being self obsessed and worried about what everyone thinks of you isn’t the sexiest trait and definitely doesn’t help your confidence. Ultimately, most people are not as interested in you and your actions, thoughts, or appearance as you think they are so it’s a good idea to let go of your obsession. Truthfully, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Stop making it all about you and never forget that actually, the most important persons opinion of you is only ever you.
 


Life Tips for Bodyism

Working as a life coach is one of the best jobs in the world, so much so that it doesn’t even feel like a job. I got into this business because of the wild and wondrous life I led which took me through situations that most have never experienced. For 10 years I saw life in many different ways, very real, very sad, exhilarating, preposterous, unbelievable and all the way back again. I feel utterly blessed to be able to have turned my life around and now help thousands of people through their own issues, from big stuff to small stuff and everything in between. I am often asked what my favorite pieces of advice have been along the journey and this is always a pleasure to talk about. The journey of course never stops and along this journey of life, there are many signs that can help us along the way. All you have to do is be open to them.
I really do believe that none of us can get through things effectively and efficiently completely on our own.We all have ‘stuff’ and we all need someone (other than our own selves) to talk to about things that we know we can be better at, free from or happier about. Sometimes we cannot solve the same problem with the same mind that created it and that is why talking about things helps.
  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff .In other words will that matter in 10 years time? This was one of my favourite pieces of advice. We can all get bogged down by the tiny things in life that we think matter dramatically when in fact, they don’t at all. We can all be accused of taking life seriously and when we do this we are looking at the minutia and making it much bigger than it needs to be. If your 4 year old didn’t pass her colouring test, I promise this won’t affect her being an interior designer if she wants to be at 25. If your husband forgot to throw the rubbish out for the 3rd time this week, I promise it’s not because he doesn’t love you. If your best friend forgot to call you back on Thursday, give yourself a break, she simply may have just forgotten because her own life is a bit hectic right now. Don’t sweat the small stuff dear reader, life is just too short.
  2. When you want to fight harder, surrender.
    This piece advice came from a coach I had way back in time from NYC. She was a tough cookie and really helped me along my journey. I would call her up in tears shouting and screaming as I just couldn’t get control over (insert your thing here – food / men / family etc…). She would listen to me go into a rage and then quietly say “Jacqueline, your answer is to surrender”. It would be a moment of a long deep breath, many tears and the fight would be over and the peace could then begin. It really is a very special piece of advice to me. Being a strong man or woman, being someone who can literally do anything you set your mind to, is amazing. It means you are a fighter and you will likely get what you want. Except in some cases the fight is what makes it harder and life becomes exhausting. Sometimes the fight is what creates the issue. Sometimes the letting go, the true surrender, the ‘leaning in’ to the chaos is the only answer to your problem. Trust me on this one. It works. Let go.
  3. Slowly, slowly catchy monkey.
    This was a piece of advice from my father. I am, by nature a fast paced person. Everything is pretty quick and I can get through a lot in only an hour. The thing is, a lot of the time the things we want need patience, tlc and working towards. Rome was not built in a day. The perfectionists will find this hard as they beat themselves us that they didn’t ‘get it’ immediately or they ‘should have had it by now’ but that never works. Sometimes there should be praise for slow. Slow means you are dotting your ‘I’s’ and crossing your ‘t’s”. Slow means you are connecting back to yourself, slow means that you are conscious and present and slow can be the way to catch the monkey.
  4. Out of small acorns huge oak trees grow.
    A wonderful piece of advice from my grandmother who I loved with all my heart. She was the most amazing soul and always gave me nuggets of advice as a little girl that I remember today like it was yesterday. This piece of advice was brilliant when I started my business. I had it on a sticky note in my kitchen. It was such a positive, motivational reminder that even though I had just started my business, just me and my website, a little acorn, it could be possible to grow it into an oak tree. That positive thinking definitely paid off and I am sure without it I wouldn’t have believed in myself so much. Remember that to start, you have to just simply, start. You also have to believe in yourself and your vision and that out of little tiny ideas, with a dash of belief, huge massive beautiful things can grow. You’ve got this.
  5. You were meant to meet that person. .
    This last bit of advice was given to me by my spiritual teachers. All spiritual teachers believe that it was ‘meant to happen that way’ in other words nothing in life is ‘wrong’. When I heard this advice my shoulders dropped about 10ft! Seriously, if we start to believe that things are happening just as how they are meant to happen, we stop fighting reality and life becomes easier. It’s the same with meeting people. People come in and out your life, it is meant to happen that way. They are teachers as are you to them. Whoever comes in is meant to come in and they may also be meant to leave. Just go with the flow and don’t grab. Allow life to work its way out and believe in the process and how it is happening. It may not be happening the way you wanted or expected, but it is happening how it should be. Life remember, is beautiful.

This article was written for my friends over at Bodyism and you can 


 


#Embrace

As a coach specialising in emotional eating and body image issues my school (The Life Class) and I were honoured to support the #embrace documentary by Taryn Brumfitt.  Taryn has created a film about body image in the modern world which affects so many men and women and if this is an issue close to your heart, I urge you to watch the movie.  Promoting a healthy body image is imperative for the next generation  so please share this around with friends and family so we can have a wider range of ‘normal’ and a happier type of ‘real’.


Exercise + Mental Health

Get The Gloss gave me a call with a few questions about exercise and mental health.  Exercise is a well known natrual mental health booster and I certainly had quite a bit to discuss on this subject.  If you find your mood can dip or roller coaster, exercise is a great way to help alieviate most negative moods and if you want to know more have a read of the full article below.


Loving Yourself

The gorgeous crew at Savse Juice gave me a call this week to ask me if I would give them my top 4 tips on how to love yourself. It was, as always, a pleasure to write this for them. You see there is one basic human need that everyone wants, desires and is perpetually looking for. It’s called love. We look for love from our partners, our parents, our friends we seem to look for it everywhere except of course, from ourselves. Self love is the foundation to all the other things you want in life. It’s the key to the door. This seems to be difficult for many and yet this is the basis to which the rest of your life will flourish.
We are all worthy of receiving love and giving love. The problem is that most of us are guilty of going about it the wrong way. If you want to know more take a read of the full article below.


Behind The Guide

So Get The Gloss have created a new “Get the Guide” section of all the top wellness leaders who have guides out on nutrition, health and wellness. It’s an amazing website and if you haven’t see it yet I urge you to take a look. It’s filled with amazing articles and guides and they recently chose The Life Class for their mind section. Each guide has a ‘behind the guide’ attached so you can get a full run down of what the guide is about – here is the ‘Behind the Guide on The Life Class’ for the full rundown of the course.