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He Who Angers You…

Anger. Yuck.
Worst. Feeling. Ever.
Probably more so if you have worked with me. Because you would have learnt that that no-one and nothing can make you angry. Except of course you. You make you angry. Sucks doesn’t it.
But then the thing is this; once we really understand that how we think creates how we feel we become truly liberated. We start to own our power and we do not give it away. We gain control of our feelings and become empowered. Don’t you just love that!
Why would anyone in their ‘right mind’ choose anger?
Anger in the words of Budda is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Anger hurts. Anger feels awful. It takes you down and it makes you sick. And usually, if you are the one feeling the anger, it’s the other person moving along in their merry way, oblivious.
Anger is a waste of your good time. It gets you nowhere. Fast.
In my opinion anger usually comes from having a big fat manual for other people. It comes from us thinking that just because we see something in a certain way, that others should too. It comes from us thinking that just because we do things a certain way, others should too. Manual = Anger.
The Daily Telegraph asked for my tips of what to do when people get angry and I wanted to share that with you here. So take a read and please feel free to forward on to anyone you think may find this article of interest.
Anyone know Solange’s email……
https://fashion.telegraph.co.uk/beauty/news-features/TMG10831375/Eight-anger-management-tips-for-Solange-Knowles.html
Happy Days people, happy days x


I Like To Ask ‘Why’ A LOT

Like, A LOT.
It’s so interesting to me how we can keep telling ourselves things (or if you have worked with me I explain it that we simply keep thinking certain thoughts) over and over and over.
Eventually, those thoughts stick.  Thinking the same thought over again creates a belief.  The belief sticks.
Like glue, except for you, this glue is stuck in your mind and its dangerous.
Sometimes those thoughts just ain’t pretty.  Know what I mean?
Like when you tell yourself it’s a good idea to ‘stay small’ and ‘not be noticed’
Like when you tell yourself that ‘s/he will never be into me’
Like when you tell yourself that you will never be cool around food
Like when you tell yourself that you could never be that confident.
You know.  The lies.
The ones that sound like a broken record.
The ones you tell yourself again. And Again. And again. And again.
The ones that keep you stuck in the same place because ‘you’ve always done it that way’.
Although, just because you have ‘always done it that way’ does not need to mean anything,
It also does not mean that you have to continue to do it that way.
Fascinating isn’t it…..
So maybe you go to the fridge and eat standing up.  You don’t have to keep doing it.
Maybe you don’t stand up for yourself around your family.  You don’t have to keep doing it.
Maybe at work you hold back so as not to really shine.  You don’t have to keep doing it.
You know my standard line and you know it’s coming at you again.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
Choose wisely.  And decide to do it differently.
Even just for today.
Try a different way.
You will be amazed. Trust me.
Go shine
Jacqueline


Winter Mood

Winter. It’s so cold outside. For me it’s means cosy nights in front of the fire and sumptuous old school cooking.
Although for many of my clients they don’t think about it like this at all.
They tell me they feel down and miserable and they think it ‘surely isn’t right’ to want to be in bed early, to not go out much and to want to eat and sleep more.
It’s important to understand that ultimately we are animals and are affected to some extent by changes in the seasons.
Long summer days can be wonderful and short dark nights in my opinion is simply the yin to the yang.
Choosing to feel miserable because it is cold and dark by mid-afternoon is a choice.
It is important to understand that how we feel is ultimately generated by how we think.  In other words it isn’t the dark nights getting you down, it is simply how you are thinking about them.
Thinking creates feelings and therefore understanding that it is our thoughts that are creating how we feel really matters when it comes to the winter months!  We have a choice as to how we feel no matter what the weather is. It can be hot and we can choose to feel good or it can be cold and we can choose to feel good.
It all comes down to the thoughts.
Thinking is something we have to start to be more mindful of. We often have so many thoughts go around in our mind and get stuck on the negative. It goes something like ‘It’s so cold outside’ to follow onto ‘why do I live in this country anyway’ and then ‘my job sucks too’! We go around and around in the negative all day long, it’s like we are asleep to what we are thinking and in turn, doing to ourselves.
As Eckhart Tolle states ‘It’s not the situation that causes us to feel bad, it’s our thoughts about it’.
So how do we make this change?
It’s not hard and it’s certainly not impossible. But what it does require, is patience and energy in helping yourself to help yourself.
First of all get mindful. Start to think about what you are thinking about.
You might be thinking ‘I know what I’m thinking’ but the truth is you may not actually be ‘aware’ of what is exactly going on in your head all day long, so my suggestion is to get a beautiful notepad and start to write it down.
Once you have your thoughts written down ask yourself if they are working for or against you.
In other words are they making you feel good or making you feel awful.
Then remind yourself you have a choice and in turn, how can you look at this differently to feel better.
Better thoughts equal better feelings.
Changing your perspective might just mean that Winter actually becomes your new best friend.
How cool is that.
 


Are You Listening?

People talk a lot.
We speak to our friends our family, our colleagues and our loved ones but how many of us are really and truly listening?
You see listening isn’t so easy.
It sounds easy (yes another pun) but a lot of the time we confuse listening with ‘waiting to reply with an answer’.
And, that isn’t listening.
We often speak over people or try to get our point across whilst someone else is talking yet doing this ultimately means we believe that what we have to say, is more important than what they have to say.
Becoming a life coach changed my perception of listening.
I studied hard, took exams and practiced my coaching technique a lot.
It was all going well until one day I asked an old timer friend of mine, who had been a therapist for 40 years, if I could practice my coaching with
with him.
He kindly agreed. This man was a gentleman. An old school English gentlemen, wise, eloquent, fascinatingly intelligent, methodical and very kind.
The day came and we sat down together and off I went, launching into my practice with him.
I gave solutions, I gave answers and I gave everything I had.   I thought I was doing great!
The hour was up,  I sat there pretty smug and ready for his feedback.
He looked at me kindly.
Then he gave me the best piece of advice I had ever received which was something I will never forget.
‘Jacqueline’ he said ‘I only have one piece of advice. When your clients talk you have to SHUT THE ….. UP AND LISTEN.
It blew my mind.
Not only that this English gentleman used and expletive (!) but because I had been so focused on getting my point across, on giving an answer, of having the right reply or handing over the solution to the problem,  I hadn’t even realised I wasn’t fully listening.  
Best. Lesson. Ever.
From that day on I did exactly as he said.
When people start to talk, I start to listen.
It took time to learn how to shut up. It took time to learn to be conscious and aware of listening but I soon got the hang of it and then you know what?
It changed everything for me.
When you truly listen you really hear what people say, not what you think they say.
When you truly listen you realise that what you would have said if you hadn’t listened, would probably have made no sense at all.
When you truly listen you get the gold. You remain a step ahead.
And, best of all when you truly listen you build stronger communication channels and therefore build better relationships.
So I dare you to try it.
For like a whole day.
You’ll be amazed.
 


Love Your Life

I often get asked how my day looks by journalists and this week Woman’s Fitness Magazine gave me a call to ask me if I would like to feature in their ‘Day In The Life Of..’  Here’s the page – I hope you like it…

Also, I just wanted to say that if you are not living your life how you want to, come to chat to me. Sometimes we believe so little in ourselves that we think we could never do/be/have the things we really want to do/be/have. I am here to tell you this is not true.
If I look back at my life 14 years ago and compare it to today, I am blown away. I got here by facing my fear and doing it anyway, choosing courage over fear, doing a lot of hard work, having total belief in myself and a steely will even when people kept saying ‘no’ to me.  I don’t believe in ‘failure’ I believe in ‘growth’ and I have a strong belief that we all have something we are ‘meant’ to do, something we love doing.  If you know you have that something and are not doing it I urge you to think again. Come talk to me 1:1 or of course, take a course (!) at www.thelifeclass.com and learn how to live the best life ever, learn how to feel good, learn how to manage your mind and ultimately help your own growth and self development, all in your own time, in your own way.
I promise you that if I can do it, you can too…
Happy Friday
x


How To Say No

People pleasers get tired. Like, really, really, really tired.  (Yes, that is 3 really’s because it totally deserves that.)
People pleasers want everyone around them to always be happy and they do whatever it takes, whatever is asked of them to keep it that way.
It becomes a self-induced nightmare.
The people pleaser believes they simply must please because if they don’t – what happens?
Like, really what happens if they were to say….No.
What if they don’t like me? What if they fire me? What if they leave me? What if they shout at me?
So instead they say ‘yes’. They give more and more of themselves, constantly saying ‘yes’ in order to be validated or loved.  Or they have just simply told themselves a lie that it is ‘easier that way’.
But here’s the thing. When you really want to say no and end up saying yes, you are telling your ‘self’ that you are not worth being taken care of.
And that, dear reader,  is simply not nice.
I’m not talking about being selfish and cold. I am saying that when you put you first, when you stop people pleasing or seeking outside validation, when you truly allow your needs, desires and wants to come first, when you really start to choose to believe that actually, you are worth it – then you real life begins. Your confidence soars, your self-worth sky rockets and your ‘choice’ comes back.
When you break free from the ‘yes’ merry go round and start saying NO, slowly and gently, your soul will ignite and will thank you for putting you first.
And you know I love happy souls…so much so that if you are still not sure how to say no, here are a few tips to get you on your way
1. You do not have to reply immediately to anyone. Buy yourself time. Just say you need to ‘check your diary’ or ‘you will think about it’ and come back to the person later on. Take your time.
2. When you do say no, remember you do not have to justify yourself, explain or apologise. No in itself is a complete sentence. Say it kindly and with confidence.
3. Go gently, you may not get it right first time but keep going and you will get there.
It’s YOUR life.
Own it.
Love,
 
Jacqueline
P.S If you are a regular reader of this newsletter I am taking it slower for summer so my articles and wellness updates will be coming out to you bi-weekly for July and August (unless I can’t help myself and want to write something  to share with you all!).  Remember if you need a mental wellness boost then you can always come on over to my website www.jacquelinehurst.com to read all the work I have published and don’t forget Summer is the BEST time to take to take a little course for yourself on mental wellness and thought work over at my school,  www.thelifeclass.com  Have a great summer guys xx


Quit Anxiety NOW

My friend Clagary Avansino from British VOGUE asked me if I would write an article for her new website about how to Let Go of Anxiety. It was a real honour and a pleasure to write this article for her. As anxiety is a feeling, created by a thought, I truly believe we can head into ‘calm’ no matter what is going down, and here are my top tips on how to do exactly that, today in my article for Clagary.
Anxiety is something you can control…
1. Retreat & Retract. Sometimes we can become obsessed with a thought that creates worry and anxiety. It can take up so much mental space, drain your energy and ultimately take you out of your present moment, stopping you from enjoying your day. Since this is usually just mind-made thoughts creating  negativity, it’s really important to retreat and retract. In other words take a moment to chill it out. Take yourself out of your office and go for a short walk, or grab a coffee and just retreat. Then take a moment to stop, breathe and calm yourself down by remind yourself that is your choice to feel this way and that this is not the best choice of feeling for the rest of the day.
2. Check your thoughts. Anxiety is a feeling being created simply and solely from your thoughts. Thoughts pop into our minds all the time and it’s good to be reminded that actually, we have a lot more control of the thoughts that we choose than we realise. The only reason you are feeling this way is because you are thinking in a ‘catastrophic’ way in other words is negative! Slow down your thought process and work out what thoughts are serving you right now and what thoughts are not. In other words if you are thinking ‘I cannot believe my email system is down and I now I cannot do ANYTHING, what will my clients think of me’ this will be creating a lot of negative feelings. Instead start to question that thought, ask yourself is this thought serving me or making me feel bad?  If it is the latter then question the hell out of it and start thinking about your situation in a more positive way for example ‘my emails will work again and right now I am doing my best within the current situation!’
3. Your thoughts are not facts. Us humans really do believe that what we think is always a fact. The truth is when we believe that every thought we have is true, we open ourselves up to a whole world of pain and stress. If a thought comes into your mind that ‘you’re not good enough’ and you believe it, it can trigger a tonne of other negative thoughts and feelings around this. However this is an un-managed mind. We have to learn to become mindful and recognise that our thoughts are not facts, and in turn we find a lot more peace. Allow these thoughts to float in and then out of your mind, and remember they are just thoughts.
4. Anxiety is a feeling and you are in control! Anxiety is simply a feeling created by a negative thought process. Ultimately we get to choose how we feel. Choosing Anxiety is not ideal on any day so its time to start deciding how you do want to feel and then work your mind around how you are going to get there. Feelings are simply just a feeling. They cannot hurt you unless you sit in the negative all day without wanting to change it. Choose a different feeling like ‘calm’ and then get your head right. How can I think about this in order to feel ‘calmer’? Then question yourself. Remember this is massive growth for you so go gently. But don’t sit there thinking ‘I cant do this’. You can. Now go question!
5. Have a chat with yourself. A great exercise to try now is to write down your anxious thoughts or worries in a notepad. Then imagine your friend is telling you this is how she feels.  How would you answer her back? What would you say to her from the point of view of being a caring, rational and loving friend. What For example, if your thought is ‘I am freaking out about going out on this date later, what if it is just awful’ you could respond to the thought with ‘This is only dinner with a boy! He could be a really interesting person and it might be a really enjoyable evening whether there is romance there or not. He might even be more scared than you!’. Following through on your thoughts make them less scary
6. It’s only adrenaline! Many feelings we choose also result in physical symptoms. When we choose anxiety we are creating many uncomfortable physical symptoms like feeling jittery, palpitations, sweaty palm etc., you are literally creating your own adrenaline.  Your mind is powerful and you are letting it set off a roller coaster in your own body!  Your body thinks it needs to fight, or flight (run away from danger) so it starts to produce a physical reaction. Although adrenaline feels scary, it can’t really hurt you. So next time you experience those weird feeling symptoms, remember, it’s just adrenaline and you calm it down by calming down your mind.
7. Talk to someone. Anxiety can feel very isolating when you believe you’re alone in what you’re going through and that you are the only one in the world that feels like this. The truth is that anxiety is actually very common.  It is something that you do not have to live with and something that you can change.  It’s really important to open up to friends and loved ones about your thoughts and feelings as talking about things can help you to feel better right away and get you seeing things with a clearer and more realistic, truthful perspective. There is also so much information on the internet discussing anxiety so you can always take a moment to read a few blogs or articles on anxiety or even check out some online forums.  Just remember this; anxiety is totally your choice. Choose a different thought and get a different feeling.  Work on it and see how this changes for you.  It’s guaranteed.
See the full article here
 


Excuses Aren’t Your Friend

Any time you are feeling a negative feeling – and I mean any time- ask yourself what excuse you are giving to yourself.
You might argue for your negativity.
You might justify your negativity.
You might be giving you a tonne of excuses.
You might be giving everyone else a tonne of your excuses too…
You might claim that you have ‘no choice’ or believe you are absolutely entitled to feel that way.
And of course, you are entitled to feel however you want.
You might be 100% adamant that there is simply no other way to feel.  None. Zero.
You might think this is it.  You own this negative party.
That feeling like this is the only way to feel.
But, even if you are “right”, you are still in that feeling.
Read that again if you want.
You see, sometimes you need to fully feel a feeling before you can begin to change it.
And that is OK.
You can take as long as you like.
You have all the time in the world to hang with your negativity.
You can have a little negative party too if you want.
Even though negative feelings totally suck.  Like who wants to feel that way?
So let me gently remind you of something pretty awsome…that negative feelings are only ever generated from negative thinking.
And the amazing thing is that you can always control and change your thoughts.
But of course, only if you want to.
You see any negative feeling you have is always your choice.
So you whilst you might not always want to change it, the most empowering thing is, you always can.
Powerful.  Aren’t you…
Love
Jacqueline
PS Did you see The Life Class has launched and the buzz in the wellness industry is HUGE.  It is so exciting and because we have limited space I wanted to tell you that I would LOVE for you to come join me in class – check it out over at  www.thelifeclass.com Change your life, come to class!


Life Lessons

So my friends over at Wellbeing Escapes gave me a ring earlier this month to ask if I would write an article for their private online magazine, all about my own life lessons.  Wellbeing Escapes are my favourate friends. They are a group of super cool people who understand how to organise a self care holiday like no other!  They specialise in spa and wellness holidays and if you want to take a little ‘me time’ and need a little advice on where, when and how, then these are your people.
Anyway, back to the life lessons, here is my article in their magazine about the top lessons I have learnt in my life and also, don’t forget to scroll right to the end of my article for your special treat – the free online magazine from Wellness Escapes ususally reserved for their clients only but now exclusively for you below…you will love it I promise you!
My life lessons
Working as a life coach is one of the best jobs in the world, so much so that it doesn’t even feel like a job. I got into this business because of the wild and wondrous life I led which took me through situations that most have never experienced. For 10 years I saw life in many different ways, very real, very sad, exhilarating, preposterous, unbelievable and all the way back again. I feel utterly blessed to be able to have turned my life around and now help thousands of people through their own issues, from big stuff to small stuff and everything in between. I am often asked what my favourite pieces of advice have been along the journey and this is always a pleasure to talk about. The journey of course never stops and along this journey of life, there are many signs that can help us along the way. All you have to do is be open to them.
I really do believe that none of us can get through things effectively and efficiently completely on our own. We all have ‘stuff’ and we all need someone (other than our own selves) to talk to about things that we know we can be better at, free from or happier about. Sometimes we cannot solve the same problem with the same mind that created it and that is why talking about things helps.

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff .

In other words will that matter in 10 years time? This was one of my favorite pieces of advice. We can all get bogged down by the tiny things in life that we think matter dramatically when in fact, they don’t at all. We can all be accused of taking life seriously and when we do this we are looking at the minutia and making it much bigger than it needs to be. If your 4 year old didn’t pass her colouring test, I promise this won’t affect her being an interior designer if she wants to be at 25. If your husband forgot to throw the rubbish out for the 3rd time this week, I promise it’s not because he doesn’t love you. If your best friend forgot to call you back on Thursday, give yourself a break, she simply may have just forgotten because her own life is a bit hectic right now. Don’t sweat the small stuff dear reader, life is just too short.

  1. When you want to fight harder, surrender.

This piece advice came from a coach I had way back in time from NYC. She was a tough cookie and really helped me along my journey. I would call her up in tears shouting and screaming as I just couldn’t get control over (insert your thing here – food / men / family etc…). She would listen to me go into a rage and then quietly say “Jacqueline, your answer is to surrender”. It would be a moment of a long deep breath, many tears and the fight would be over and the peace could then begin. It really is a very special piece of advice to me. Being a strong man or woman, being someone who can literally do anything you set your mind to, is amazing. It means you are a fighter and you will likely get what you want. Except in some cases the fight is what makes it harder and life becomes exhausting. Sometimes the fight is what creates the issue. Sometimes the letting go, the true surrender, the ‘leaning in’ to the chaos is the only answer to your problem. Trust me on this one. It works. Let go.

  1. Slowly, slowly catchy monkey.

This was a piece of advice from my father. I am, by nature a fast paced person. Everything is pretty quick and I can get through a lot in only an hour. The thing is, a lot of the time the things we want need patience, tlc and working towards. Rome was not built in a day. The perfectionists will find this hard as they beat themselves us that they didn’t ‘get it’ immediately or they ‘should have had it by now’ but that never works. Sometimes there should be praise for slow. Slow means you are dotting your ‘I’s’ and crossing your ‘t’s”. Slow means you are connecting back to yourself, slow means that you are conscious and present and slow can be the way to catch the monkey.

  1. Out of small acorns huge oak trees grow.

A wonderful piece of advice from my grandmother who I loved with all my heart. She was the most amazing soul and always gave me nuggets of advice as a little girl that I remember today like it was yesterday. This piece of advice was brilliant when I started my business. I had it on a sticky note in my kitchen. It was such a positive, motivational reminder that even though I had just started my business, just me and my website, a little acorn, it could be possible to grow it into an oak tree. That positive thinking definitely paid off and I am sure without it I wouldn’t have believed in myself so much. Remember that to start, you have to just simply, start. You also have to believe in yourself and your vision and that out of little tiny ideas, with a dash of belief, huge massive beautiful things can grow. You’ve got this.

  1. You were meant to meet that person.

This last bit of advice was given to me by my spiritual teachers. All spiritual teachers believe that it was ‘meant to happen that way’ in other words nothing in life is ‘wrong’. When I heard this advice my shoulders dropped about 10ft! Seriously, if we start to believe that things are happening just as how they are meant to happen, we stop fighting reality and life becomes easier. It’s the same with meeting people. People come in and out your life, it is meant to happen that way. They are teachers as are you to them. Whoever comes in is meant to come in and they may also be meant to leave. Just go with the flow and don’t grab. Allow life to work its way out and believe in the process and how it is happening. It may not be happening the way you wanted or expected, but it is happening how it should be. Life remember, is beautiful.
Thank you for reading my tips!
Click here for the Wellbeing Escapes Magazine


Balance Festival

If you haven’t yet heard about The Balance Festival I need to tell you you gotta get a groove on.
This festival celebrates everything wellness from fashion to fitness to food and much more.  With a line up of some pretty cool people it is as always an honour to be part of these gatherings and this time I am once again teaming up with the superwoman that is Zanna Van Dijik and the Girl Gains to discuss body love and body confidence on the Sunday 14th May 2017.

If you dont know Zanna, she is a a personal trainer and well established British fitness, lifestyle and travelblogger. She’s developed a large and loyal following which has allowed her to travel the world and collaborate with brands such as Adidas and Tommy Hilfiger. She’s graced the cover of the Sunday Times Style magazine, has her own clothing collection in collaboration with Sports Philosophy and has recently published her first book Strong.  Zanna uses her platforms to share her experiences, recommendations and knowledge of fitness and nutrition. She loves to spread positive and inspiring messages and encourages her followers to be healthy, confident and happy which is why it always an honur to be asked to work with her again at The Balance Festival.  She’s one of the co-founders of the #girlgains movement which empowers women to make ‘gains’ in every aspect of their lives from physical strength to self-love and confidence and so this talk will be a powerhouse of chat discussing confidence, body love and happy mind health.

Please come along and hear us talk – you can get your tickets here