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The Moment

Living in the moment can be tricky.
Especially in the city, working hard and being ‘busy’.
Rushing through life, literally unconscious and unaware of the moment.
The pace is consistent and constant and we seem to be going about our business literally missing life.
We worry about little things that don’t happen, about things that happened in the past, or things that were out of our control.  We focus on the next meeting, the next dinner plan or the next holiday and all the whilst we are missing our now.
What a waste.
When time is literally one of the most precious things we have.
None of us ‘know’ how long we have.
None of us ‘know’ what is around the corner in our lives.
None of us ‘know’ what is or isn’t going to happen even 5 minutes from now.
In which case why not grab the moment?
Why not aim to become fully present?
Why not start living the life you know you want to be living?
Why not start to become awake and alive in your life, in your present moment, in your now.
It’s not called a ‘present’ moment for nothing.
It is a present because you have been given the gift of life.
It’s time to wake up, become inspired by life and grab the gift of time.
Every moment counts.
Live your life like that and life will change beyond all recognition.
Try today to just simply be conscious of living in your moment.
Drink your coffee with consciousness, look out your window at nature with consciousness, take a moment for yourself today.
Your moment counts.


Opinions of Others

The thing is this; everyone has an opinion.
And get this; Everyone is also allowed their own opinion.
Even if it doesn’t match yours.
Shock, horror!
You see, just because their opinion does not match yours, it doesn’t make them ‘wrong’.
And just because theirs doesn’t match yours doesn’t make you wrong either. 
It also doesn’t mean you need to adhere.
What it does mean is that it’s good to be open and hear other people’s views and opinions, even if we don’t agree.
And it is even better to be open and hear their opinion without creating a conflict (for yourself).
We have a tendency of looking at life from one perspective even though we swear we are not ‘closed minded’.
Except most of the time we are.
When we are able to listen to other people’s opinions without making ourselves wrong, without making them wrong and without confrontation or malice we have grown up into emotional adulthood.
When you know yourself well enough and you have your own back enough, you can hear other people’s opinions without any negative feelings attached.
You are stronger in mind than you know.
You are able to choose peace over frustration.
You are able to understand different doesn’t mean wrong.
Allow everyone their opinion and you find peace.
In the words of Dr Pepper ‘try it, you might like it’.


It Ain’t What You Do

It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it.
I know it’s a song and actually it sort of makes a lot of sense.
What’s the point in doing something, anything at all if your mind isn’t right?
I talk a lot about mindset and this is a reminder that your mindset is the creator of your actions.
So it’s not the actions that need to change first, it’s your mind.
You see, I hear a lot of ‘shoulds’ and ‘have to’s’ in my office and here’s a novel idea for you; Unless someone is holding an ak47 to your head you don’t actually have to or should do, anything.
It’s all about choices.
Making the choice to do something in the right mind is where it’s all at. It’s the start of everything good.
Let’s take an example so it’s super clear. Let’s say it’s your cousins birthday and the family is going and there is someone there you don’t get a long with.
You’ll likely be saying to yourself ‘I don’t want to go but I have to’.  Unhelpful to the point where you may not even go to the party. This equals the wrong actions and in turn the wrong mindset.
The truth is you actually do want to go to the party.
You do.
Because your family is there.
Because it’s a celebration and life is short.
Because your family have invited you and want you there.
Because you’re not a party pooper…
Catch my drift?
So you see it ain’t what you do it’s how you think about it and in turn it’s the way that you do it.
With a little smile on your face because you are in control of your mind and you are one step ahead of the rest because of it.
Maybe they should change the song….


Procrastination

As a coach I often hear clients complain about their own procrastinating.
They tell me about their goals and lists of things they want to do but that they never quite get around to doing it.
They talk about how much they hate procrastinating but say they ‘just can’t help themselves’.
They say they don’t know what to do about it and the longer their lists get the more they procrastinate because it all just feels a little too much.  It feels, they say, overwhelming.
But my take on this is that if our actions are not in line with what we want them to be, we have to have a look at our thoughts.
Procrastinating is completely in your power to change and here are my top 5 tips to help you quit it and get on with what you really want to do.
1. Procrastination is a form of perfectionism for scared people.  A lot of the time we are not doing what we want to do because we think that the thing we have to do, has to be done perfectly. This in itself is stressful and pressurising and in turn, we just don’t do it. The first tip towards getting things done is to let go of thinking that it won’t be right if it isn’t perfect.  Getting things done that are ‘good enough’ is still getting more done than not doing it at all.  Quit your perfectionism and you are already a step ahead. Try to quit the ‘what if it all goes wrong’ record? and swap that thought to ‘and what if it all goes right….?’ That should help you start!
2. Think about what you are thinking about. Are your thoughts working for or against you? Are you thinking about your to-do list in a way that just creates pressure and stress? In other words is your thinking correct or are you freaking yourself out with the ‘I don’t know where to start I have so much to do’ record?  If so, break it down. Start by choosing thoughts that create better feelings, feelings of confidence and empowerment. Instead of thinking thoughts like ‘I will never get through this list’ try a different thought like ‘I actually can do just one of these things today, this is totally possible for me!’.  By changing the thought you change the feelings and in turn, the actions and outcome. You’ve got this.
3. You get to choose how you feel. Always. Because our emotions and feelings are created by our thoughts, when we choose the right thoughts we get the right feelings.  Its so important to remember you are in control of your feelings. Seriously, it’s you creating this.  If you ask yourself what feeling you want FIRST and then start working your thoughts to create the feeling you do want,  nothing can stop you.  Use a notepad and write this stuff down. Its powerful.  If you want to feel happy, you create the thought that gets you there.
4. Quit worrying about what anyone else might think.  If you are worrying about what someone else might think of you or your work, you need to recalibrate your thoughts. Is, whatever you are doing, ultimately because you want to be proud and happy about it or to impress someone else? The truth is that trying to impress anyone other than yourself  is exhausting. YOU being proud of what YOU achieve is all that matters. Let the rest go.  Remember the saying ‘You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world but there will still be someone who doesn’t like peaches’.  Nuff’said.
5. Do the best you can even if it is one tiny thing.  Its important to remember that we are all doing the best we can with what we have got. And, by the way, no one is perfect. No one. So check your expectation levels you have for yourself, are they realistic or unrealistic?  Would you be demanding that much from your best friend? Check your thoughts, check your perspective and check your expectations.
And one more thing, if you think you can, you will.
Happy Friday!
 
Jacqueline


The Inner Voice

You know the one I mean right?
The inner voice, the self critic, the little gremlin, the one that is hard pushed to be nice.
If you’ve ever tried to meditate, you know that sometimes that inner voice just won’t shut up.
It constantly delivers a running commentary on your likes, dislikes, fears, anxieties, hopes, and dreams.
It projects into the future and goes over the past.
Over and over and over that little voice just keeps going. It’s like a little puppy dog that is constantly looking for the next thing and the next thing and then the next thing.
And, if someone told you they heard voices in their head, you might think they were crazy but the reality is, we all have a voice in our head and yet most of the time it just isn’t kind.
An unmanaged mind is never kind.
The negative inner self critic is tough and yet at the same time, it is simply the wrong set of beliefs that we allow to go around and around in head.
It’s like we pick up a belief one day which is something we have either learnt as kids or taken on ourselves, which we have never challenge, and then we live accordingly. We literally walk around unconscious to what we are thinking.
Things like ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I need to please everyone’, ‘I must not say no or else they will hate me’.
It’s like wearing the wrong set of glasses.  For years.
So how do we chillax the inner critic?  What do we need to do in order to make the change from the heavy negative to the chilled out neutral.
Here’s a quick 3 step solution.

  1. Become aware of the voice. Becoming aware is imperative. Get conscious as to what you are thinking.
  2. Learn to observe. Simply observe what you are thinking for example ‘I am thinking that they won’t like me’
  3. Challenge the hell out of it!

This 3-step solution is an important step in personal growth.
Yes it takes a little effort and yes it takes a little time and yet, when we become aware of that voice, like truly and fully aware, we can then retrain ourselves to think and therefore live better.
You don’t have to believe everything you think, but you do have to be aware of it.
Especially if you want a choice as to how you want to feel.
And the choice dear reader is always yours.
Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones.


Stay Open

Sometimes it’s hard to stay open.
Life throws us challenges and it can close us down, piss us off and make us wonder what it’s all about.
These time’s are the toughest and the ones that we can allow to either make us or break us.
It’s always up to us how we want to handle these times.
With fight or fear.
With love or hate.
With humor or terror.
It’s always up to us.
Staying open during these times are ultimately what makes us the strongest.  These are the times that make us.
The challenge is how to stay open.
How to believe when we have lost belief.
How to be open when all we want to do is shut down.
The answer lies in your mindset, your ability to make something light or heavy.
The ability to create pleasure or pain.
Your ability to look at the situation with kindness, compassion and love.
To treat yourself like you would someone you love during a tough time.
To look for the lesson, the understanding and the reason as to why this situation has been presented and how you can grow from it.
It starts with staying open.
The universe loves you. It is always working for you in your favor.
The thing is if you believe you won’t have it, it won’t come.
If you believe it will never happen to you, it won’t happen for you.
If you believe that in any way you are lacking, you will fill your life with lack.
So how about you change the record?
How about you challenge the hell out of your negative belief and start believing that the opposite is true.
Because the truth is the world needs you.
It needs you to believe the good.
It needs you to believe you are worth it, you can do it, have it or create it.
All you have to do is believe. Truly start to believe in the good, the openness and the ‘fact’ that anything can happen.
Stay open and know that it’s all there for the taking.
When you stay open you are able to learn. Don’t shut down. Be bigger.
Stay open, so that you can see the order of things.
Stay open, so that you can be close to reality.
Stay open, so that you are ready for good ideas,
Stay open, because you can.
You’ve got this.
 
 


Health Advice

So the lovely people at Natural Health Magazine asked me for my advice on ‘how to get your mother to listen to your health advice’.  This is a tricky one because ultimately we can’t make people do things unless they themselves want to but, I do have some tips and tricks up my sleeve to help you help a loved one. If you want to help your parents or someone you know with some health advice check out my article below.


Time

Writing a blog post about time and patience is something I never thought I would do.
I used to be, and am truthfully, still working on, trying to be more patient.
Being someone who is time efficient, I have had to learn that time and patience is the key to a happy life.
Wanting everything done ‘now’ has been one of my biggest defects.
Wanting everyone to run to my manual of turning up on time and doing things immediately, has created a lot of pain.
What I have learnt, is that sometimes, time just needs a little time.
It’s a lesson I keep learning.
That no matter what goes down, if you give time some time, it will all work out just how it should.
Sometimes getting or having or doing that thing ‘now’ isn’t always the right way.
Sometimes giving that thing a little time is.
Especially when in doubt.
Because time is a healer.
Time is a gift.
Time leads to finding clarity.
It is time that can create space when most needed.
Because the truth is, it is actually all happening in the right time.
So this week, slow it down.
Relax it out and if there is anything that isn’t sitting comfortably with you, anything that isn’t going your way, just give it a little time.
You may find in a few weeks your answer has come, without you even needing to try.
Happy Friday x


Change

The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new’ Socrates
Change is something I have to admit I am not a big fan of.
I like familiarity and I like certainty.  I like routine and I things in the right order.
And yet when I realise this (usually because something is coming up that requires change), I laugh at myself.
As if life is ever, in any way, certain!
You see life can change at the drop of a dime.  It is precious and magical and weird and wonderful.
Yet when we get stuck in our routine of familiarity, are we really living?
My office building is coming down in the next few months and I’ve been there for years.
I like it, I am comfortable, it is warm and safe.
And I noticed that when I got told I had to vacate, the first thing I did was feel stressed.
Me, the coach, stressing out.  Not the best picture for you, I am sorry.
After my initial stress fest, I sat down, took a breath and asked myself the question ‘what the hell am I thinking?’
Turns out it was thoughts like ‘I will never find another office as great as the one I have’.
And ‘moving office is just so stressful’.
How crazy is that
And then the work begins. I do with myself, what I do with you guys when you are sitting in front of me.
I look for the evidence and I challenge the hell out of my thinking.
How do I ‘know’ I won’t find an office just as amazing, or even better?
How do I ‘know’ that the move will be stressful, it could be a lot of fun.
How cool will it be to move to a new office maybe with a little garden and maybe get the black labrador I’ve been thinking about…
Oh yes and there it is.
The thought switch…
I cannot wait to move.
Change is cool. It means you are living and not getting stuck.
Bring it on.
Your go…


Hurt People

I often have clients and students talk about how other people have been mean or unkind.
How other people have said things to them that they have found really hurtful.
I have obviously experienced this myself too.
People can be fascinating.
Many of you who have worked with me will know that the only thing we can’t control is other people, places or things.
 
People can say or do things that can leave us completely dumbstruck and yet, there is nothing at all we can do about it.
These people have been, and continue to be, my greatest teachers. 
These people have given me opportunities to manage my mind and in turn, grow.
How cool is that.
Now this doesn’t mean I have to stand around and take it, but what it does mean is that I have to understand it.
You see, what I know to be true is that ‘hurt people hurt people’.
Read that line again if you need to.
Those people who are hurting, who are insecure or unhappy, are the ones that say and do and react in ways they cannot help.
When they don’t know better they can’t do better.
Those people who insult you, put you down to make themselves feel better or do nasty things are the ones that are in the most pain.
You see, it might not be about you.
Because it is only ever hurt people, who hurt people.
So if you have experienced a situation recently where you are choosing to ‘justify a resentment’ I suggest you let it go.
Because if you get your perspective right, it is kinder for you and them, to show love in response to anything mean.
It feels so much better.
Don’t be a hurt person.  Get your mind right and in turn you will be kinder.
You see when you are in love with your life, when you understand yourself, when you manage your mind and get the right perspective, being kind is always the first option.
And then no one can hurt you anymore.
Power to you.