As the resident life coach over at GQ Magazine we often have some interesting chat around the office when I pop over there. This week we discussed how to get your confidence back in the bedroom and if you are struggling in this area do not despair, this is the article I wrote for them.
Sexual confidence is knowing your worth, your abilities and what you are bringing with you to the bedroom. That, more than anything, is the key to a great sex life. But it can be shattered if you've suffered from a traumatic break up, have experienced something emotionally painful in the past or you're just a bit out of practice. This can change, though, and changing that only takes a little self-discipline.
This sounds obvious but it isn't. When we panic we start breathing quickly and can't get enough air into our lungs. This perpetuates the panic and snowballs out of control.
Slow down, breathe deeply and take back control. Being in control of your breath gives you time to slow everything down and give you a chance to relax your body as well as your mind. It feels a lot better than panic.
Stop fortune telling and catastrophising
If you're reading this you are no doubt someone who has experience of relationships. Some may have been amazing, some may have been terrible and some may have just been a bit boring. But the past is in the past and it should always remain there. If you're upset because someone left, change your mindset and thank them because they weren't the right person for you. They are who you should be focussing your energy on.
Get rid of the gremlin
Seriously the inner gremlin of self doubt is a bully. It berates and chastises all day long, but only if you let it. When it bullies you with negativity it's time to simply stand up to it. If you had a real life bully berate you or put you down would you just take it or would you fight? Exactly. So speak to that negative gremlin exactly how you would to anyone else being rude to you. Also, if you think you wouldn’t be saying those things to your friends that their new partner would be disappointed in them sexually? Of course not. Kill the gremlin.
Fear is Flase Evidence Appearing Real.
Fear's not just in your head, it's also a passion killer. If you're frightened, ask yourself a few questions. What am I frightened of? What's the worst that can happen? Why don't I feel confident? Then (and this is really important) challenge the hell out of those thoughts and start looking for evidence you already have, to disprove the negativity. You will be able to find proof that there were times you have been confident and felt great, you just need to let yourself look for it. Remember that confidence is a feeling created by a thought so check your thoughts and change how you feel. It’s really up to you.
Know your worth
Seriously isn't it about time you started having your own back? Isn't it about time you started to choose to like yourself and look at all the wonderful things that make you you? When we really know our worth we become sexually confident effortlessly. Confidence isn't something you get from anyone else other than yourself. Confidence is not something you need a partner to give to you or validate in you. When we really know our worth we stop giving people discounts. So start being nice to yourself and you'll find more people willing to be nice to you.
Read the full article in GQ Magazine here