When my clients and students start working with me the first thing I teach is to become conscious of our thinking.
A lot of the time we think something in our mind, make it mean something it doesn't mean and then we create a whole story around it.
And often painful.
Mainly because those thoughts we are thinking, at the very outset, are not even true.
In other words, what we make a fact in our mind is not in fact, a fact.
We have thought's like:
'I think he is wrong for her'
'I think I am not clever enough'
'I hate how I can't speak up'
'I should be smaller/bigger/prettier/thinner/'
All. Fiction. Not. True.
It is so important to be careful of what thoughts you choose to make fact.
They will be the one's that hurt.
So here is how to change this in one word (repeated three times for effect)...
Question, question, question.
Pen and paper are your friend.
Start thinking about what you are thinking about.
Start noticing what you notice.
And work out if what you are thinking is in fact, a fact.
If it hurts, it can't be. And it's then your job to start working out how to think about it differently.
Then it won't hurt.
This is one of the kindest things you could do for yourself.
Here's to the truth.