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What To Do If You’re Stuck In A Job You Hate

It’s very common for people to feel trapped in the job they have. They feel as though they want to go out and try something different, but convince themselves they can’t change paths because they have bills to pay or just don’t have the time to try something new. This is just not true, the only thing keeping people trapped in their job is their own mental block.

There is always time and there is always a way to try something new.

When people tell me that they can’t leave the job they hate because they need the money, I usually say you don’t have to leave right now. Being responsible, paying your bills and taking care of your loved ones is one of the most important things in life, but there is always room to reach higher. You may not have the means to leave that job right now, but you can begin preparing for that jump. Do some research and see what opportunities are there for you, take the journey step by step. Some people get scared to really go out there and follow their passion because they think it’s too big of a leap, remember you don’t have to do it all at once.

Another issue I hear people bring up is that they simply don’t have the time to quit their job and find something they enjoy more. And I always question that.  There is always time to learn something new or follow your passion. Everybody gets the same 24 hours as the President, so it’s just about how you use the time you’re given. If you really want to find something new, take some time out of your weekend or after your work day to learn something. Taking the time and better preparing yourself for a change is going to go a long way to helping you find a job you love.    

The only thing keeping people in an unhappy position is their thinking. You are never too old or too busy to find something new and you should never sacrifice your mental well being for easy money. I encourage everyone to get out and find something they love and chase it.

If you want to find out more about how I can help you live a happier and healthier life then book a FREE consultation with me today! 


5 Tips For Boosting Your Self-Esteem

5 Tips For Boosting Your Self-Esteem

If you are your own worst critic and find yourself tortured with feelings of self-doubt, do yourself a favour and take some advice from GQ Therapist, Jacqueline Hurst. You will definitely feel better for it!

Life nowadays can seem like a constant juggle. We are bombarded with unreal images daily on social media, TV and magazines and we can all feel a little overwhelmed as if we haven’t quite reached our full potential. A little bit of this is normal, however, if you feel constantly held back by a sense of self-doubt, it could be more than just the occasional “off day” we all suffer with from time to time. Preventing you from ever achieving your full potential, low self-esteem can be both a debilitating and miserable. Thankfully, for those who do suffer from self-esteem issues, there are a wealth of tips and tricks you can try to help break the cycle and build your confidence back.

What is self-esteem?

The term self-esteem refers to how we view ourselves. Self-esteem is the overall opinion we have and hold about ourselves and the value we place on ourselves as people. Low self-esteem is all about how we view ourselves internally – what we believe about ourselves – and is based on negativity: for example, “I’m unlovable” or “I’m useless” or “I’m worthless”. Of course, most of us have mixed opinions of ourselves, but if your overall opinion is that you are inadequate or inferior, or if you feel that you have no true worth and are not entitled to the good things in life – that you are “undeserving” – then this means your self-esteem is low.

Low self-esteem can be due to the beliefs you have about yourself which you think are fact, but in reality are only really thoughts. These beliefs and thoughts are based on the experiences you’ve had in life, and the messages that these experiences have given you about the person that you are.

As low self-esteem is based on thought process rather than fact, it is really important to gather all the thoughts you hold about yourself that are negative and then start to look for evidence to prove that the opposite is true. For example, if you believe that you are not “lovable”, instead of finding evidence to prove this thought true, you need to start looking for evidence to prove this is not true. You could ask yourself instead “Who does love me?” – you will be able to say “My mum, my dad, my friends, my family, my girl/boyfriend” etc. It becomes hard to believe a thought when you have evidence to prove the opposite is actually true.

If you are suffering from low self-esteem here are my top five tips to overcome it:

1. Question your thoughts

Are you conscious of what you are thinking? Thoughts create feelings, so starting to think carefully about your thoughts is key. Positive thoughts create positive feelings.

2. Be kind to yourself

Tell yourself kind, loving statements that you would say to someone you love. Imagine your best friend next to you talking about you as a person – they would say lovely things like “She’s funny, kind, thoughtful” etc. When you start looking at yourself from a friend’s point of view you will be amazed at how good you really are.

You are unique and perfect just as you are. Comparing is a waste of your time. Instead, remember that someone else’s beauty does not mean the absence of your own.

4. Gratitude is key to feeling better

When you feel down, think about all the wonderful things in your life and the things you have achieved – you’ll soon realize you are pretty special. You cannot feel grateful and miserable at the same time.

5. Perfection does not exist

Good enough, really is good enough.

You can read the full article over at GQ here.


How to Go Sober for October

If you are worried about your alcohol intake, the GQ Therapist (that’s me) has some tips to help you cut down and why you will definitely feel better for it…

Dear GQ Therapist,

I think my drinking is getting out of hand. How can I get it in check? 

As a life coach, one of the most common questions I receive is: “How can I control my drinking?”

In other words, most people do not want to give up drinking entirely, they just want to find some “moderation” with their intake. It is usually because they feel slowly over time that their drinking has gotten “out of control”. Or perhaps they feel “depressed” (alcohol has a depressing effect – the alcohol you drink today can make you feel depressed days and weeks later). Or they are realising they are depending on it more than they’d like to be.

Unfortunately, we only start to think about moderation with alcohol once we realise it is getting out of hand. And if you are at that place, then now is the time to start looking a little further at “why” this is happening and then “what” you can do to help yourself.

  1. Cut back in a way which works for you
    Consider lowering your limit and/or decreasing the quantity, frequency, duration and intensity of the alcohol you consume. Decide, for example, to choose not to drink on a weeknight or only have a maximum of two drinks when you go out. Or try and only have one really great bottle of wine once a week. Find a realistic, limited amount that works for you and your lifestyle.
  2. Only reduce your intake for a limited time frame at first
    Anything in terms of forever is pretty scary, so try saying to yourself you will limit your alcohol intake for one or two weeks only while you are working out the limits you are happy with. That way you have a goal to work towards and something to keep you from falling off the wagon. Also, every day say to yourself “Just for today” – anyone can do anything, just for today. It takes the pressure off and helps immensely.
  3. Pay close attention to what thoughts and feelings emerge throughout this period
    Let’s be honest, we all know that alcohol serves to mediate feelings by dulling, numbing, or blocking them out completely. So when you reduce your alcohol consumption, your feelings will come back. This is really important to be aware of so don’t think you are going mad if you feel a little down before you feel start to feel amazing.
  4. Don’t feel pressured to drink
    If you have to go out for work drinks or celebrations where you know there will be alcohol and you don’t want to drink that night, one of my favourite tricks is to hold a fizzy water with some lime and it always manages to deter others from asking the question: “Why aren’t you drinking?” It is also less likely they will offer you another drink. Remember, you are more aware that you have reduced your consumption but, everyone else isn’t so don’t stress!
  5. HALT is one of my favourite expressions
    It stands for “Hungry”, “Angry”, “Lonely”, and “Tired”. It helps you keep yourself in check as you reduce your alcohol intake. HALT helps you stop and reset by paying close attention to what you really need. As your feelings will be coming back it is also important to note that if you start to feel sad, anxious, lonely, fearful or stressed out, this is the time you should figure out healthier ways of coping without using alcohol.
  6. Think of alcohol like fine food
    A small amount feels amazing, you can get a real buzz from it and not get into any serious trouble. But continuing to drink past that buzz means you are pretty much heading for trouble as you are “assuming” more alcohol equates to more buzz. However, inside you really know, it doesn’t. It actually makes you head the other way – not so buzzy just completely fuzzy. And fuzzy never leads to good.

Try these tips out for yourself and see how you go. If you find this really difficult or keep failing at the first hurdle then you may be wondering whether you have a bigger drinking problem than you first thought. If you want to you can always ask for help. And help is at hand. There are many places to go for 1-to-1 or group support and you can always come and chat to me where we can develop a plan together for you that over time will help you fully understand the role that alcohol plays in your life and make decisions together about what changes you can be ready to make. Help is always at hand. Good luck!
If you are struggling with alcohol or any other issues, you can contact me for a 1:1 session in my office, on the phone or via Skype. Alternatively, if you want to feel better but do your self-development online, you can head on over to my school The Life Class and take the Foundation Course.

For more information on Going Sober for October, visit: gosober.org.uk/

This article appears on GQ here


The Life Class

The Life Class has gone LIVE!
I wanted to share with you my recent activity which literally involved sweat and (happy) tears but luckily no blood! The Life Class is my online school which runs two courses, one to become a Certified Life Coach the other is the Foundation Course which is for anyone and everyone who wants to learn how to become their happiest self in less than 5 mins a day.
It’s been sitting online for around 5 years but this year I decided to revamp it, re-brand it and add a tonne more information – I’ve made it even better and I am super excited to share this with you! Here is a short synopsis…

What?

My online courses are a collection of my life’s work. I’ve seen the material transform hundreds of lives. Will it work for everyone? I wish. Will it work for everyone who works it? In my experience, yes!

How?

The course runs automatically and once you sign up you get six stunning modules of life-changing information, with videos, worksheets and notes that you get to keep forever.

Why?

Silly really because, hell, why not?!

When?

Now! Head over to www.thelifeclass.com, there is no time to lose!
What are you waiting for? Go!
Big love,
Jacqueline x


Is It True?

Is It True?

So many of us create stories in our head.
A situation can occur and within seconds we have had hundreds of thoughts.
Negative thoughts and ones which are not kind or necessary or most importanlty, true.
These untrue thoughts go around and around in our brains, pretending to be very real.
Scaring us, belittling us and creating results which either amount to doing nothing, or a whole lot of drama.
Neither of these outcomes are ideal.
So let me help you with a really great tip and tool.
The next time you feel scared, angry, frightened, anxious, insecure or whatever negative feeling you currently have,
Ask yourself a very important question;
‘Is it true’
It’s powerful and it always works.
For example, you delivered a project to your boss and he wasn’t impressed.
He said to you ‘Not the best work you have ever delivered, you aren’t on you’re A-Game at all’
Right at that point all those thoughts that hurt will come along into your brain, like it’s a party
‘See, you are rubbish’
‘See, you are not good enough’
‘You are going to get fired’
And around and around the thoghts go.
Yawn…..
But this time I want you to do it differently, I want you to insert that all powerful question‘
Is it true?
Is it true I am rubbish, is it true I am not good enough, is it true you are going to get fired from this one project?’
The likelihood, when you really take a long hard look, is that none of those thoughts ARE true…
And if you are struggling, then here’s another tip
After asking yourself ‘Is it true?’ and you are still sure it is, start looking for evidence to back up why it IS NOT true….
Now that’s my favourate part….
I have evidence that I am not rubbish because (insert why here)
I have evidence that I am good enough because (insert why here)
I have evidene that I am not going to get fired because (insert why here)
So try this little exercise the next time you are struggling  (or of course you could always stick with your way and keep staying miserable)
I promise my way is better….
Tag, you’re it….x
PS My new website is live and I am so excited to share it with you! It has updated content, press work and a more information on The Life Class. Head on over, you are sure to find some interesting articles that are relevant to you.  And that is a fact! x


If You Are Stuck

You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it” Albert Einstein 
Feel a little stuck? Not living the life you want to be living? Think you might be in the wrong job, have the wrong partner or simply know there is more to life? Are you struggling with your weight and feel you can’t ‘get it’ no matter what you have tried in the past? Are you constantly saying to yourself ‘my life would be better if…’
Then you I can help you. I help people to create the life they want via their thought process. When our thoughts are off key we create a life of anger, frustration, boredem and unhappiness. We blame other people, places or things for our feelings and simply get stuck.  Life coaching helps people to become unstuck by challenging their thinking and in turn helping them to change things around to get the results they want and start to feel great.
Life coaching can help people with a variety of issues including confidence, anxiety, stress, anger and specialise in helping people with weight problems.
What does life coaching mean and what does it entail?
I ask people thought provoking questions that help them get to know themselves.
I tell my clients the truth: the truth that other people will not tell them.
I help people see the downside of being mean to themselves.
I challenge any held belief that is not in my client’s best interest.
I pull my clients up on the lies they are telling themselves.
I help my clients show up when they want to quit.
I help my clients act from a place of love rather than fear.
I ask my clients to reach for more of themselves.
I help people figure out why they do what they do so they can change it.
Who do I coach?
I coach the most amazingly brilliant men and women all around the world.
I coach men and women who are tired of being fat, tired of hating themselves, tired of being married to the wrong person.
I coach people who believe there is a better way to live life than drinking a bottle of wine every night.
I coach women who give to everyone but themselves in the hope that someone will approve of them and love them, everyone but themselves.
I coach people who think they are a victim. Being victimised and taking on the role of victim are very different.
I coach doctors, lawyers, QCs, PhD students, Oxford/Cambridge graduates and I coach clients who didn’t finish school.
I coach people desperate and in despair and holding on by a thread with only a glimmer of hope.
I coach people who make lots of money and feel awful and clients who make no money and feel awful.
I coach anyone who is willing to find a way to feel better.
So if you think it might be time to have a chat in order to see how life coaching can help YOU get a better perspecitve on life, feel better or start taking better actions and getting better results, email me today and we can get something started.  You’re worth it.
Happy Friday x


Breaking Up

My latest article for GQ discusses how to move on from a break up in the best possible way. If you or anyone you know is struggling, please take a read here. This article isn’t just for a relationship break up, it will help anyone who feels they are stuck and have ‘lost something’ or simply ‘cannot move on’.
Dear GQ Therapist,
I split up with my partner quite suddenly last year, but six months on and I just can’t seem to get on with my life. I still feel sad and depressed about it and the pain just won’t go away. How can I move on?
Ending relationships and break-ups are no fun. Whether you were the one to be broken up with or if you were the one to actually pull the plug on the relationship, it sucks to go from being a couple to being alone.
No matter how many times relationships comes to an end it always feels miserable, and because break-ups are so uncomfortable to deal with most of us simply just try anything we can to get over them as quickly as possible. We work out harder, drink more than we should, dive into a packet of cigarettes (even if we stopped years ago), head into a rampage of one-night stands, or we just decide to work more. Anything to avoid those feelings. So I want to give you a few tips to help you “move on”…
1. Process your feelings
Unfortunately, ignoring how you feel and trying to move on too fast means you miss out on something quite important. Your friends may want you to get over it quickly, but I believe you have to allow the feelings to come and go, and only then will they actually pass. You can’t force it. When we try and just decide we shouldn’t be feeling sad/hurt/angry/or upset, the process ends up taking a lot longer.

There’s also a really great way, proven by researchers at a university in Villanova, to process your break-up pain – they studied to find the best ways to move on. They came up with a process called “redemptive narrative” journaling. The idea is simple yet effective. Write about your relationship, including the whole messy break-up, the quickness of it finishing etc, but try to reframe as much of it as you can in a positive light. For example, you might focus on your growth through the relationship, such as the things you learned about yourself during the relationship. Or maybe you walked away with a new knowledge of what you do and don’t want in a partner. Or maybe you have a clearer picture of what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s important to note that what matters is finding something positive about the painful experience. The researchers found that when people were able to do that, it actually lessened the emotional toll.
3. Remember: your thoughts create your world
If you go out into the world thinking your life is over and you will never be happy, it will feel heavy and miserable. You need to know that’s your choice. You have to get your thoughts right. Thinking in a negative mindset is the worst thing you can do for yourself. So instead, start reframing things and thinking in a more neutral or happier way. For example: “I am ready for something better now” or “I am free to meet whoever I choose and do whatever I want and the world is my oyster.” Thoughts become feelings, so be mindful of what you are thinking.
4. Explore your life
When we couple up we can sometimes lose ourselves. We don’t see our friends as much, we don’t practise our hobbies and we get too comfortable. Now is the perfect time to rediscover yourself. What do you love to do? Who haven’t you seen in ages that you want to reconnect with? Who can you meet and talk to over a beer and find some laughter and joy together? Book the boxing training you love or the holiday you have always wanted to take forever. In other words, now is the time to take care of you. Be selfish for a little while and start doing the things you used to do again.

The Office For National Statistics released data in 2015 that shows 51 per cent of people in England and Wales are single. That’s over half the population. It’s important to remember you are not out in the world single and alone. Think about that positively: it means there is definitely someone out there for you, who feels like you, and could well be open and available for a new relationship at just about the time you feel ready to be, too.
6. Believe in your destiny
I am a big believer that what is meant to be will always find a way. If your partner was right for you, they will come back. If they weren’t, that’s because there is something out there that is better for you. Growth works like that. Life works like that. Now is the time to change your thinking and have a little faith that things will get better. How many times in your life have you been in a situation that felt like it would never get better, then it did, and then it exceeded your expectations? It’s like that now. So please allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need. Then, when you are ready, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and go out into the world with a positive mindset and a dash of faith that things are going to get better. Remember the Henry Ford quote: “If you think you can do a thing, or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
7. Talk it out
Last but not least, if you find you are still struggling there are lots of people out there you can talk to. Talking about how you feel is the fastest way to move on through discussing you feelings. If Prince Harry and Brad Pitt are open to it and Michael Douglas can do it, so can you! You know where to find me…
 


GQ Feature: The Life Class

GQ Feature: The Life Class

GQ Magazine loves The Life Class and chose to feature it in this month’s issue – I couldn’t be more proud of this school! The Life Class is an online self-development course for those who don’t want to ‘do’ therapy. It is one of the fastest growing courses in the UK for people who want to do a little work on their mindset and emotional intelligence from the comfort of their own sofa.  I wanted to share this amazing feature with you, it’s in the April issue – out now!
Read the full article here: GQ features The Life Class


Depression

You’ve been diagnosed with depression. What do you do now?

Tackle your mental health head on with a little help from Jacqueline our GQ Therapist. This week: how to deal with depression…

Dear GQ Therapist,
I have been to the doctor and been diagnosed with depression and they have talked about me taking medication. Is that the best course of action or should I consider other options? I don’t want to rush into taking drugs, but I need to do something to feel better.
Steve, by email

First and foremost – and I know we say this a lot – you are not alone: depression can affect anyone at any time. The Mental Health Organisation statistics show that in 2014, 19.7 per cent of people in the UK aged 16 and over showed symptoms of anxiety or depression, which was a 1.5 per cent increase from 2013. From what I have seen in my office, the numbers are increasing.

Most people go through periods of feeling down, but when you’re depressed you feel persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days. Depression can make you feel helpless. And yet I want you to know you’re not, because there’s a lot you can do on your own to fight back. Medication is an option, of course, but it’s only one of many that you can choose from. Choosing a more holistic route works for many people and often has even better results than medication. Changing your behavior, for example, your physical activity, lifestyle, food choices and, most importantly, your way of thinking are all natural depression treatments.

1. Prioritise mind management
It’s of the utmost importance to learn how to manage one’s mind. In my personal coaching sessions with clients and in school with students, I teach people how to focus and manage their minds because once they understand this aspect, their lives change. It’s amazing to see people become happier and start living authentically, all thanks to a focused and managed mind. Simply put, minds that are managed get better results, guaranteed.

2. Learn to switch off
It’s important to switch off because you are giving your mind a break, and all minds need a break. To learn how to do this takes practice. For some, it’s about writing things down; for others, it’s about creating a space and a time in your day or night to simply stop. My top tip is to schedule time in your diary to switch off – literally call it switch-off time. Take a hot bath, read a book, bake some nourishing food, turn off the iPhone/iPad/TV and go back to basics.

3. Beat workplace woes

Stress is a feeling generated by a thought, so I recommend people start to look at their own thoughts rather than blaming anyone else at work. Ultimately, no one can make you feel anything; you create your feelings from your thoughts, and choosing thoughts that create stress is painful for you and you only. Start to consider what you are thinking about or write thoughts down. Are the thoughts you’re creating helpful or hurtful? If it’s the latter, start to find a new perspective – choosing better-feeling thoughts is always the answer.

4. Accept the things you cannot change
So much stress and anxiety is caused by trying to control things that are beyond our control. When I first got into mind-management work, I recalled the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Being fed up and depressed about things you cannot control or influence is a pointless task. This often makes depression worse because it creates feelings of uselessness and low self-worth. You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it. The past is a great teacher. Use its lessons to create a better now.

5. Find a work-life balance: Where are you happy? 
If the answer is working 24/7 then fine, go ahead. But if you are happy only working 9-5, then it’s important to balance out the times when you are not working. Balance comes in the form of joy – anything you find joyful could be part of your “balance”. Another tip is to learn how to say “no” effortlessly. Once you get on the no train, you’ll realise how much more time you have. It’s important to remember that life is short, life is there to be lived, experienced and enjoyed; it is not a trudge, it is a blessing.

There is a link between junk food and depression. Serotonin (the feel-good hormone) is made in the gut and, as result, poor gut health can impact your mood. A study published in the Public Health Nutrition journal revealed that consumers of fast food are 51 per cent more likely to develop depression when compared to those who eat little or none. It is likely, then, that the more junk we eat, the greater risk we are of not only bad digestion but also risk of depression.

7. Getting active (especially in nature) 
We spend most of our time at work, sitting down, yet we are not designed to sit in a chair all day. Neither are we designed to be inside all day long. Taking some cardiovascular exercise probably has the biggest impact on mood and reducing stress. It’s really hard to still feel crap after a long walk in nature. Spending time in nature reconnects us with our natural environment and helps to balance mood.

8. Practise gratitude
Another favorite saying of mine is you cannot be grateful and depressed at the same time. And it is so true. Gratitude is a massive help in challenging your mindset. Making time each day to appreciate all you have to be grateful for shifts your focus to the positives in your life. It can be tiny things to huge things. Having legs to walk, eyes to see, a roof over your head – all things to be grateful for. Gratitude is the antidote to fear, anxiety and depression. It takes practice and it might feel a bit dumb at the start, but I promise you if you practice it daily, you will see your life and your feelings change.

See the full article here


Blue Monday

Did you know that today, the third Monday of January has been awarded the gloomy title of ‘Blue Monday’ due to a combination of post-Christmas blues, cold dark nights, and the arrival of unpaid credit card bills from all the Christmas and holiday spending.  It’s apparently the most miserable day of the year!  So to help you out if you are feeling a little blue I have something really cool in store for you.
Tonight I want you to come along to an Instagram Live session where I will be sitting in Space NK being interviewed by Beauty Editor, Nadine Baggott on how to ‘Think Happy’ this Blue Monday. Just simply pop onto Instagram, and it will be going live from the Space NK handle @spaceNK
So ‘Blue Monday’ better watch out because by the time we are done tonight, it will be your best Monday in January ever!
Have a great day and see you later!
Love,
Jacqueline x