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Scared To Fail? Lessons To Be Learnt

Scared to fail? Lessons to be learnt and opportunities to grow from.

I often hear people telling me that they have a ‘fear of failure’. As if it is something that is going to come and get them and ruin them and their whole life. Like failure is the worst thing in the whole world. And I find this so interesting because I don’t believe in ‘failure’. But I do wholeheartedly believe in growth. Lessons to be learnt and opportunities to grow from.
How else do we really learn those important lessons in life?  Certainly not by sailing along smoothly without any waves. When I was learning about my own self-development at the good old school of life I had many, many lessons. So many situations didn’t work out as I had planned.  I tried a lot of things and a lot of things just didn’t work out how I had expected them to.  Except looking back, I realise it was all so perfect.

You see there is no failure, only growth. 
Everything I experienced only ever helped me rise bigger, better, faster and stronger. In other words, I wouldn’t have got where I am now without those lessons.

It was those lessons that challenged me to think another way.
It’s perfect. Life is always happening exactly how it should be and our perspective on things is what matters. If you want to berate yourself for ‘failing’ then go ahead, be my guest! And you will find yourself going around in circles, not feeling great at all and learning a grand total of nil. If you want to challenge your thinking and ask yourself ‘what did I learn here’ you will find an amazing lesson, a new path and you will start to feel a lot better.

It is, of course, your choice…
So what is it with failure? Why do people fret it, try to avoid it, and beat themselves up for not being perfect when the simple truth is this – no great success was ever achieved without it.

It is a necessary part of growth.
Especially if you look at it correctly. Change your mind about the word failure and your life will grow. Seriously, look upon these lessons as part of being human, as a bigger plan for you, as part of becoming a better you and then simply, move on.
Here’s to many more lessons x


The Art of Surrender

I use the word ‘art’ because it is an art when it comes to surrendering. In today’s society, we are taught that to get what we want, we have to push. Hard. To get along in life we are taught to work hard, push hard, fight hard, sweat hard and not stop until you get ‘there’. In our new wave of 24/7 culture, we are engulfed in social media seeing pictures of everyone ‘working hard for it’. I’m OK with this train of thought sometimes but at other times, this is actually the opposite approach to getting what we want.

Just let go

I took a yoga class last week and the teacher said something that really resonated. Her words were ‘some of you will need to work harder to get into this pose, and some of you, well some of you will need to let go and just allow it to be what it is, surrender into it without a fight’.
It really made sense. You see it is often in the surrender of our internal battles that we grow. It’s in the surrender of our fight that we learn. It’s in the surrender that we become who we are truly meant to be. And it’s the surrendering that creates a space to allow us to change our perspective. It is a very fine balance. This is not to say you sit on your ass and don’t do your work. In fact, it is the opposite, it is learning to do your work with acceptance as your baseline and moving onwards from there. Because there is an art in surrendering to ‘what is’. And that is where the magic happens.

Acceptance

‘Acceptance’ is always the answer to all of our problems today. So if you find yourself pushing at something, having given it your all and yet you are still in the ‘fight’, then maybe it’s time to step back…
Surrender.
Let go.
And watch the magic happen.
Sending love,
Jacqueline x


Christmas Stress Free

Tis’ the season to be jolly, except that it’s not always as jolly as the TV ad’s would like it to be. We are off work, we have a lot of free time and we get to sloth out in front of the TV with beer and chocolate for what seems like days on end. It’s a great time for us to rest, relax an unwind except there are also seems to be many more moments in that little holiday period, that can be more stressful than the whole year put together.
Throw in family, free time, alcohol, gifts and a dash of boredom and we have the perfect concoction for some stressful days.
Sometimes we might think that the best way to avoid Christmas stress is to say no to all family plans and pretend to be away. But actually, not so. Ideally the best way to handle stress is to face the fear and do it anyway and your mind is right, these times can be joyful.
So here’s some top tips to stress less over Christmas.

  1. Throw away your manual. You know what I mean. We all have a manual. It goes something like this;  I arrive early so you should do the same. I give great presents so you should do the same.  I never leave a party before midnight so you should do the same.  I would never say those things so you should do the same.   Get my drift? The thing with having a manual is that you are giving yourself the unwanted present of self-induced stress. So if you get rid of your manual, remembering that everyone does things differently and it might not be ‘wrong’, you will find your stress dramatically decreases.
  2. Let it go. This season it would be helpful to remember that whoever you are spending time with is always doing or saying what they know to do best in that very moment. Sometimes we think because we ‘know better’ they should too but ultimately we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Some people just ‘cant’ and that doesn’t mean they don’t want to, it just simply means they can’t.
  3. De-personalise. Stop taking everything personally this Christmas and try a different mantra, something like ‘that might not be about me’. For example if someone at the dinner table is slightly envious of your upcoming Christmas trip or a recent work promotion and gives a little snarl, remember, that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Rise above.
  4. Be in the moment. So many of us are walking around unconscious. We get excited to get time off work and have some chill time and in a flash it is over and we are at our desks on January 3rd like, where did that go?  Being in the moment means getting conscious of the moment.  Life can pass by pretty quickly and special times can go in a flash so this season make sure you are really there in mind and body, really take in all the amazing moments and find the joy in those times.  Joy is easy when you are conscious.
  5. Gratitude is the right attitude not only over chirstmas but in life. Its very hard to be stressed or miserable if you feel grateful. Family may be tricky but the fact is you are lucky to be able to spend time with those you love even if they have different opinions. Its so easy to look at the negative but when you really understand how powerful gratitude is, how it changes your attitude in an instant, it will really make you think twice. Life is precious, time is precious so be grateful for what you have. It changes everything.

So this Christmas I want you to remember that love always feels better than hate, anger or frustration.  But then you already know that. Choose the good feelings – it’s the best gift you could give yourself.
Merry Christmas!
 


Your Work

If you want to change, and you are in pain.
You have to do your work.
It’s great to get help to learn how to do the changing. In fact, it is imperative.
But don’t, under any circumstance, think that by going to get help from someone that they will ‘fix’ you.
If you are open to grow and learn, you can become a happy human.
But you have to do your work.
I had a client the other day who was super negative.
When she left she said ‘Well I still dont feel better’ and literally stormed out.
And there in that one line, she said everything.
She didn’t want to do her work.
She didn’t want to ‘believe’ that things could get better.
She didn’t want to help herself change how she felt.
She was happier, in her pain.
She was happier blaming others for how she felt.
 
Sometimes this happens. We throw our toys out the pram and we hate everyone becuase we want answers, we want them now and we dont want to do any work.
we want other people to take away our pain.
Except they can’t.  It’s your work.
And how amazing is it to know, that its all up to you.
Its in your hands and in your power. If of course, you want it.
Here’s a reminder that you are stronger than you think, all you have to do is start digging deeper to help yourself.
It’s all in your mind.
If you think negative you get negative, it’s totally your call.
 


Happiness

There is something important I want you to think about.
So many of us have this belief that when we get ‘there’ we will be happy.
‘There’ can be translated as when you ‘lose weight, get the job, find the husband, buy the house’ etc. etc. etc.
We perpetuate this dream life that when we get this thing, we will finally have arrived at the door of happiness.
Except I hate to burst your bubble, you won’t.
You might get a 5 minute high, and that’s all cool but the real happiness you are looking for is not at that door.
I am a big believer that happiness is actually an inside job and it starts and ends in your mind.
If you lose the weight you wont be happy trying to sustain it.
If you buy the house and get a leak, you wont be happy when you have to call the builders in.
If you make the million, it will be fun for a bit, until you decide you now want another one….
Catch my drift?
So your aim should be to get to the goal of happiness, just via a different route.
I’d like to propose an idea.
That if you start to change your thinking, you’ll start to change your feelings.
Feelings come from thoughts so when you learn how to manage those, you will realize, you can choose to be happy without any of the above.
You can even choose to be happy right this very moment. If of course, you want to be.
It’s as simple and as complicated as that.
I’d be happy to chat with you in a session in my office, or if that’s not for you, just head on over to thelifeclass.com my online school teaching you how to do this in as little as 5 mins a day!
How exciting is that – to know that you don’t even have to leave your sofa, go on a diet or worry about being single anymore.
Mindset, mindset, mindset.


Gratitude

One of the fastest ways out of misery is to look at what you can be grateful for in your life currently.
Getting an attitude of gratitude is the best gift you can give yourself.
You see, when you stop looking at the negative and start focusing on the good stuff, it’s really hard to stay miserable.
When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value.
Kinda cool right?
Every single one of us has things to be grateful for.
You can even break it down to those little things like, you can see, hear, walk and talk (I’m obviously being sarcastic but like hello, those are MASSIVE gifts right!).
Being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will always bring you a deeper sense of happiness.
And, that’s without having to go out and buy anything.
It simply makes sense to look for the good.
How to do it? Here’s a few tips.

  1. Get your pen and try a gratitude diary writing down 5 things every day you are grateful for.
  2. Each morning find two things that you are thankful for.  For me it’s coffee and my iphone (!)
  3. Ask yourself questions like ‘What can I be grateful for in my life today? Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?’
  4. Don’t just keep the gratitude inside, offer it out.  Tell others what you are grateful for about them and why you are grateful for having them in your life. Pay it forward…

Gratitude has even been proven to increase well being and reduce depression. Even the scientists are onto this stuff.
Today, choose the right attitude and start looking at the amazing gifts you can be thankful for.
I promise it will make you feel amazing.
Get your geek on.


Throw Away Your Manual

This holiday season here is a tip;  throw away your manual.
You know what I mean. We all have a manual.
It goes something like this;  I arrive early so you should do the same. I give great presents so you should do the same.  I never leave a party before midnight so you should do the same.  I would never say those things so you should do the same.   Get my drift?
The thing with having a manual is that you are giving yourself the unwanted present of self-induced stress.
Stress is never your best choice feeling.  Especially during the holidays.
Everyone does things differently.  Everyone has their own manual and that’s fine.
That’s actually how it’s meant to be.
It’s when we expect others to live by our manual that we hit emotional pain.  Pain for us, not them.
This season it would be helpful to remember that whoever you are spending time with is always doing or saying what they know to do best in that very moment, they are living by their manual.   And so they should.
Just because it may not be the same way you would do it, doesn’t make them ‘wrong’.   It just makes them and their way ‘different’ from you.
Different is good.  It’s how we learn.  It’s how we grow.
And usually, those people doing and saying different things from us, are our greatest teachers.
So this Christmas I wish you lots of great teachers and tons of great feelings.
Love always feels better than hate, anger or frustration.  But then you already know that.
Happy holidays to all you wonderful clients who have touched my soul and taught me so much!
Thank you.
Sent with love from,
 
Jacqueline
P.s  I’m signing off for the holidays so my newsletters will back in 2018 from 5th January


Festive Loneliness

Natural Health Magazine asked me how to help their readers who may feel down and lonely over the festive season. It’s a common issue as Christmas is portrayed to us as a fairy tale, where we all ‘should’ be happy and joyous. But what about the many people who feel sad and lonely? Here is my article.


Why So Busy?

I’ve noticed something strange going on. I ask people how they are and the answer is almost always the same.
Busy!
So busy!
Crazy busy!
Ridiculously busy!
It has confused me.
Are we meant to be so busy that we look around, another week has just gone, flown by in a haze of “busy”?
Are we becoming so busy because of ambition or drive or anxiety, because we are addicted to busyness or worse still, we dread what we might have to face in its absence.
Almost everyone I know is busy.
Busy is fine if it’s balanced out with some time out.
But if we are using this phrase as a standard response when asked how we are then maybe it’s time to look deeper?
The present hysteria is not a necessary or an inevitable condition of life; it’s something we have chosen.
It’s like a hamster wheel we just keep running. Running on busy.
So this week, I want to bring your awareness back into the ‘fact’ that you have a ‘choice’.
I want to stand up for the time out, for the ‘be-ing, not the do-ing’ just sometimes the idleness and the down time.
You know, the stuff we love but are sometimes afraid of or choose to feel guilty for doing.
Idleness is not an indulgence; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer mental affliction and physical exhaustion.
The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life, for taking time to slow down, to make unexpected connections and gaining those wonderful free life gifts like inspiration, energy and zest. Things that are impossible to gain when were so ‘busy’.
It is, paradoxically, necessary to a little take space in order to get any real work done.
Imagine what life would look like and how it would feel if you chose to take time out every so often. To pamper yourself with a massage, to come home early from work to curl up and read a book, to choose to take a walk through the park in the morning before starting your day or to simply switch off, hang out and be.
People, life is too short to be busy.
Get your space on…
Jacqueline